My family fell down this time around

Let me tell you our story on how it all went down
I went to work like I always have, I couldn’t believe what happened because it happened so fast
A couple of bitch ass niggas kicked in my door
Me not being home was the perfect opportunity for them
I’m sure they knew my two daughters were asleep upstairs in their room
Fortunately they heard the loud noise causing them to wake up in fear
Their bodies couldn’t move because they were in shock and also feeling scared
This was to much for them to handle, I mean really our house was just broken into by some darn vandals

So they called me at work to give me the bad news
I said to the lord, “Thank you God for watching over my two Boos
Then the police got on the line, I said I can’t talk I’m on my way, then I left in a Nick of time
Leaving my job in a dangerous state of mind

As I pulled up to my house in a fast pace
It just broke my heart to see the look on my daughers face, at that point I really just wanted to catch me a case
But then my girls reminded me “let go and let God and he will handle it, we don’t need you in jail catching no charge, just to live the rest of your life behind someone’s bars”

I holla, “the devil is a liar!”
That is a job for hire
I would have to deligate and let somebody else take that Damn case
NAH! Im just playing a joke!…A JOKE!
That’s just me blowing off a little smoke
Then one of the officers asked me, “Did they take anything of value?”
I said no and really don’t care because you see my two most priceless possessions is right over there, one at the top and the other at the bottom of our stairs
Just when I thought that there was nomore, the police man said ” Ma’am Sorry to tell you but that was the second time they kicked in that same back door”
SAY WHAT! Now I have to get a gun…
Oops! that was a slip of the tongue
The officer said “no that’s fine by me, you gotta do what you gotta do for you and your family’s safety”
I replied “oh yea that’s cool because that was clearly an unlawful entry and if I was here with my tool, I tell you no lie, I would have blasted them fools”

I’m tired of all this bad news, now it’s time for me to take a leave of absence from work so my family and I can move
This wasn’t an easy task for us with such short time, we looked everywhere we just didn’t have the best of luck
So we decided to stay out the rest of our lease
It wasn’t what we wanted, It was a quick decision made by me
Stuck in a place where we didn’t want to be, feeling so afraid and also uneased
This was too much for us to endure
Now I had to put in for my final two weeks, which meant I couldn’t work no more
damn them damn niggas who kicked in my door

Trying to make a living for my children and me
You see how someone can be so trifling when their whole life is filled with nothing but jealousy and envy
I truly believe in the saying what goes around will surely come back around, this time it will be you with your ass hitting the hard ground  because you fell on down
You can’t mess with God’s children, if you didn’t know anything you should’ve atleast learned that by now
Standing outside all day everyday looking like a couple of broke clowns, you tried to break our spirits and tear us on down

This was apart of our battle and we know that now
The war wasn’t over, It has just begun, now here we go with our second one, round two for all of you, who knows what it feels like to have no food?
We were down on cash because we just spent our last, God send us a financial blessing that’s all we ask
Eating crackers and chips is all we had until shit got real when we got down to our last bag
I know it sounds crazy because that’s all we ate, wishing we had real food on all our plates, fresh out the oven, good, hot and baked

Saying to myself, “Lord I don’t know how much more of this I can take, If this is a dream please let me wake”
This is for the birds…SHIT! forgive my words
I just want to make sure everyone heard

Life is no joke when you’re down and out, the only thing left is hope, well we got through that, glory be to God
Then we found out that wasn’t so hard because you see, our biggest challenge is when we lost our electricity

I guess bad things do come in threes
This was all my fault, how can I let this be, then my girls said to me “Mom you’re to hard on yourself and it’s not good for your health by stressing and worrying all the time, it’s just gonna keep putting you in a bad state of mind”
I kept telling my girls, I know that’s true but what about the other two times when our home was invaded and we had no food?
My daughters said to me, “That was the devil knocking at our door, we just have to be strong and say we rebuke you, you don’t live here nomore”
I heard what my daughters said to me on the daily basis, I couldn’t help but feel guilty every time I seen the look on their sadden faces
One can only ask is this my punishment from my past, being out of control and living life to fast

Not knowing God like I should, wishing I can go  back in time if I could, “will I do it all over again?” Yes, I would because my kids deserve better, Sunny days, not just all bad weather, out of all of this turmoil, me and my girls always stuck together

We were on our fifth day and still had no power,  so we went to seek help in our desperate hour
Only to see that this damn agency denied us help because of one photo id, I asked the woman is there anything else she can do, she just said to me “Sorry I just can’t help you”
It took everything in me to hold my tongue
I didn’t want to make things worst and something else goes wrong
So I kept the peace and just let it be and had to face the fact that my girls and I had to go more days without electricity

DAMN! the pitiful look on our faces like a couple of cases that the police couldn’t solve, I felt like everyone was against us, the whole world involved
But I know that isn’t true
This is our trials and tribulations we have to depend on God to get us through, if people only knew what we had to endure, they wouldnt be so quick to judge and slam the door in our faces nomore

When we hit day five I tried not to cry but when we hit day ten, I cried over and over again
Then my kids said to me one more time, “Mom u gotta let go and let God, we know it’s hard, he is our father in heaven and he has us in the palm of his hands, so let him take charge”
I said I know I have to let it be,
Lord sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with me
Could it possibly be because I don’t have any family to come rescue me

The day of my birthday the lights went out, my so called father called to give me a birthday shout
He said “What happened?  I’ve been trying to reach you”,  “I know our lights just went out” he pretended like he cared, he said “I’ll call you back” as if he was gonna find money from somewhere

Several days had passed, it’s been a whole week since we heard from his ass
I should have known better
I shouldn’t of even asked, I am the black sheep of the family, the only outcast
The eldest daughter the one who always comes in last
My dysfunctional family I’m going to have to keep in my past

We’re on day 12, alone in the dark
Stayed uplifting each other so we won’t fall apart, by this time nothing but anger was flowing through my heart, because I remember  how we got here from the start
I had to give up my job because my house was almost robbed, I know we are going to get through this, through the Grace of God
I often broke down and cried because of the pain I felt deep down inside
Then a voice would say to me, “Think of this as my final time and victory will be mines”, I just had to wait and see, trust and believe faithfully

My girls and I continued to stick together, hoping to get past the worst and praying for better
Twelve days of this situation, we just had it up to here, so I called my step mother to see if she might care if we could stay at her house for a couple of days, when I spoke to her she said “ok just let me know when y’all are on the way” because she had something to do that following day, I said Finally! a break, what all the difference that would make
She said “give me your number so I can call”
Not realizing we were never going to hear from her none at all

What I needed was some cash, so I went back to my dad saying this was my last, I said we needed it for some gas, when I told him where we were going, which was to his ex woman “my step mother” he called himself not giving us the money to spite her, but in the process he spited us too, I was to through with my dad, this shit was sad
He would rather see us in the dark just because they’ve broken apart
He needs to get over it because he can’t mend that woman’s broken heart
We’re all caught up in this mess, even she turned her back on us…..WELL! I guess it’s for the best
That’s what I get for putting my all into man
Because every time they will let you fall
I have to learn my lesson and wait on my blessings

The day will come, shocking for some, I’ll be the one to have my own business I will run
Just because the sun has not shined on us in a while, that doesn’t mean we won’t get pass these trials and tribulations, we will overcome this tough situation

The next couple of days seemed to go by quick
My girls and I continued to stand strong I must admit
Our minds won’t let us forget but in order for us  to live we have to forgive

We hit day fifteen, still no lights, went to seek more help and we weren’t going to take no for an answer, not without a fight
Start a riot up in here? Hymmmm…I just might,
If somebody don’t get over here and do their damn job and turn back on my lights
It’s been fifteen days and we ain’t waiting nomore, we’re not going back through them doors until we know for sure you’ve handled our application, so we dont have to see the dark anymore ya feel me? now get on the line with the electric company and have them restore our electricity

When we got to the house our power was back on with the grace of God who always carried us all along, he is the main reason we stood fifteen days strong
This is the first chapter of our lives in my book, I just wanted everyone to take the first look
This is our beginning to our end, It was how our life was back then
Now let me take you to the start when life as I knew seemed to fall apart


Let me tell you about this girl name Monique 
She’s a hood chic, whenever she can be
Ride or die when she’s in the damn streets
Camouflage when she’s on the low key
Her smooth style cause she keeps it classy
Rough neck when they try to disrespect 
Talk smack  Monique would Neva let
So step back before your ass regret 
A known fact, she don’t make no empty threats 
So fall back, A nightmare you wish you Neva met 
She’s like a bomb ignited, about to explode
You took her kindness for her weakness cause you were neva told
Forcing her into attack mode
Sending your ass right down that dirt road
You must of thought that she was neva taught
to hold her own, Monique is well known
to hold her head she holds real high
knowing that God is always on her side
So all you haters just walk your ass on by
The day will come, tragedy for some
What you thought that she was gonna run
and that Monique was doing this all for fun
She’s on her way to that million dollar pay
Just the beginning, Monique will never stop
Until she rises onto the damn top

When Darkness Falls

Most of my life the sun never shined
I pray for the light through my deepest darkess times
I lay in my bed asking God why?
Why you chose me? To live in this life

My world is so cold and its hard to survive
I try to believe that the worst is behind
When i take a step forward, i fall several times
Making me feel like im losing my mind

I say on to thee
Free of all the pain and all the misery

I dont wanna remain in this life you gave to me

I call out your name
MY LORD OH HOLY! Forgive me
MY GOD have mercy

Deliver my soul because im losing control
I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I drop to my knees and seen why Jesus wept

My Father in Heaven, have you turned your back on me?
I feel so alone because you never talk to me
I cry every night, hoping that you will see
I wanna be saved and serve you faithfully

The sun never shines, it only rains and storms on me
Tough times ahead, and more tears to shed

I cry out, NOMORE!
I cant take this spiritual war!

No one knows what i have to adore
They wouldnt believe the things that i saw

See, i believe that the end is near
Satan is whispering, hes whispering in my ear, saying Girl you better, you better fear
He grabbed on to me and said he aint going nowhere

This is the burden i carry with me
Do you hear me My Lord?
I need you desperately
He said on to me, turn away from him, satan knows that he can never win because the path he chose, a world full of sin
His life has already been condemned

I said to the lord, I thank you gracefully because all along you’ve carried me

Its hard to believe that the devil is after me
He comes into the night and attacks me in my sleep
I say my prayers to the one and only

Our Father in Heaven can you please protect me?
I just wanna be free and live my life in peace but im feeling so scared because its to much to bare

The sun never shines, just darkness falls on me
Will victory be mine? Or will i be damned for eternity?