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FAMILY FELL DOWN

My family fell down this time around

Let me tell you our story on how it all went down
I went to work like I always have, I couldn’t believe what happened because it happened so fast
A couple of bitch ass niggas kicked in my door
Me not being home was the perfect opportunity for them
I’m sure they knew my two daughters were asleep upstairs in their room
Fortunately they heard the loud noise causing them to wake up in fear
Their bodies couldn’t move because they were in shock and also feeling scared
This was to much for them to handle, I mean really our house was just broken into by some darn vandals

So they called me at work to give me the bad news
I said to the lord, “Thank you God for watching over my two Boos
Then the police got on the line, I said I can’t talk I’m on my way, then I left in a Nick of time
Leaving my job in a dangerous state of mind

As I pulled up to my house in a fast pace
It just broke my heart to see the look on my daughers face, at that point I really just wanted to catch me a case
But then my girls reminded me “let go and let God and he will handle it, we don’t need you in jail catching no charge, just to live the rest of your life behind someone’s bars”

I holla, “the devil is a liar!”
That is a job for hire
I would have to deligate and let somebody else take that Damn case
NAH! Im just playing a joke!…A JOKE!
That’s just me blowing off a little smoke
Then one of the officers asked me, “Did they take anything of value?”
I said no and really don’t care because you see my two most priceless possessions is right over there, one at the top and the other at the bottom of our stairs
Just when I thought that there was nomore, the police man said ” Ma’am Sorry to tell you but that was the second time they kicked in that same back door”
SAY WHAT! Now I have to get a gun…
Oops! that was a slip of the tongue
The officer said “no that’s fine by me, you gotta do what you gotta do for you and your family’s safety”
I replied “oh yea that’s cool because that was clearly an unlawful entry and if I was here with my tool, I tell you no lie, I would have blasted them fools”

I’m tired of all this bad news, now it’s time for me to take a leave of absence from work so my family and I can move
This wasn’t an easy task for us with such short time, we looked everywhere we just didn’t have the best of luck
So we decided to stay out the rest of our lease
It wasn’t what we wanted, It was a quick decision made by me
Stuck in a place where we didn’t want to be, feeling so afraid and also uneased
This was too much for us to endure
Now I had to put in for my final two weeks, which meant I couldn’t work no more
damn them damn niggas who kicked in my door

Trying to make a living for my children and me
You see how someone can be so trifling when their whole life is filled with nothing but jealousy and envy
I truly believe in the saying what goes around will surely come back around, this time it will be you with your ass hitting the hard ground  because you fell on down
You can’t mess with God’s children, if you didn’t know anything you should’ve atleast learned that by now
Standing outside all day everyday looking like a couple of broke clowns, you tried to break our spirits and tear us on down

This was apart of our battle and we know that now
The war wasn’t over, It has just begun, now here we go with our second one, round two for all of you, who knows what it feels like to have no food?
We were down on cash because we just spent our last, God send us a financial blessing that’s all we ask
Eating crackers and chips is all we had until shit got real when we got down to our last bag
I know it sounds crazy because that’s all we ate, wishing we had real food on all our plates, fresh out the oven, good, hot and baked

Saying to myself, “Lord I don’t know how much more of this I can take, If this is a dream please let me wake”
This is for the birds…SHIT! forgive my words
I just want to make sure everyone heard

Life is no joke when you’re down and out, the only thing left is hope, well we got through that, glory be to God
Then we found out that wasn’t so hard because you see, our biggest challenge is when we lost our electricity

I guess bad things do come in threes
This was all my fault, how can I let this be, then my girls said to me “Mom you’re to hard on yourself and it’s not good for your health by stressing and worrying all the time, it’s just gonna keep putting you in a bad state of mind”
I kept telling my girls, I know that’s true but what about the other two times when our home was invaded and we had no food?
My daughters said to me, “That was the devil knocking at our door, we just have to be strong and say we rebuke you, you don’t live here nomore”
I heard what my daughters said to me on the daily basis, I couldn’t help but feel guilty every time I seen the look on their sadden faces
One can only ask is this my punishment from my past, being out of control and living life to fast

Not knowing God like I should, wishing I can go  back in time if I could, “will I do it all over again?” Yes, I would because my kids deserve better, Sunny days, not just all bad weather, out of all of this turmoil, me and my girls always stuck together

We were on our fifth day and still had no power,  so we went to seek help in our desperate hour
Only to see that this damn agency denied us help because of one photo id, I asked the woman is there anything else she can do, she just said to me “Sorry I just can’t help you”
It took everything in me to hold my tongue
I didn’t want to make things worst and something else goes wrong
So I kept the peace and just let it be and had to face the fact that my girls and I had to go more days without electricity

DAMN! the pitiful look on our faces like a couple of cases that the police couldn’t solve, I felt like everyone was against us, the whole world involved
But I know that isn’t true
This is our trials and tribulations we have to depend on God to get us through, if people only knew what we had to endure, they wouldnt be so quick to judge and slam the door in our faces nomore

When we hit day five I tried not to cry but when we hit day ten, I cried over and over again
Then my kids said to me one more time, “Mom u gotta let go and let God, we know it’s hard, he is our father in heaven and he has us in the palm of his hands, so let him take charge”
I said I know I have to let it be,
Lord sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with me
Could it possibly be because I don’t have any family to come rescue me

The day of my birthday the lights went out, my so called father called to give me a birthday shout
He said “What happened?  I’ve been trying to reach you”,  “I know our lights just went out” he pretended like he cared, he said “I’ll call you back” as if he was gonna find money from somewhere

Several days had passed, it’s been a whole week since we heard from his ass
I should have known better
I shouldn’t of even asked, I am the black sheep of the family, the only outcast
The eldest daughter the one who always comes in last
My dysfunctional family I’m going to have to keep in my past

We’re on day 12, alone in the dark
Stayed uplifting each other so we won’t fall apart, by this time nothing but anger was flowing through my heart, because I remember  how we got here from the start
I had to give up my job because my house was almost robbed, I know we are going to get through this, through the Grace of God
I often broke down and cried because of the pain I felt deep down inside
Then a voice would say to me, “Think of this as my final time and victory will be mines”, I just had to wait and see, trust and believe faithfully

My girls and I continued to stick together, hoping to get past the worst and praying for better
Twelve days of this situation, we just had it up to here, so I called my step mother to see if she might care if we could stay at her house for a couple of days, when I spoke to her she said “ok just let me know when y’all are on the way” because she had something to do that following day, I said Finally! a break, what all the difference that would make
She said “give me your number so I can call”
Not realizing we were never going to hear from her none at all

What I needed was some cash, so I went back to my dad saying this was my last, I said we needed it for some gas, when I told him where we were going, which was to his ex woman “my step mother” he called himself not giving us the money to spite her, but in the process he spited us too, I was to through with my dad, this shit was sad
He would rather see us in the dark just because they’ve broken apart
He needs to get over it because he can’t mend that woman’s broken heart
We’re all caught up in this mess, even she turned her back on us…..WELL! I guess it’s for the best
That’s what I get for putting my all into man
Because every time they will let you fall
I have to learn my lesson and wait on my blessings

The day will come, shocking for some, I’ll be the one to have my own business I will run
Just because the sun has not shined on us in a while, that doesn’t mean we won’t get pass these trials and tribulations, we will overcome this tough situation

The next couple of days seemed to go by quick
My girls and I continued to stand strong I must admit
Our minds won’t let us forget but in order for us  to live we have to forgive

We hit day fifteen, still no lights, went to seek more help and we weren’t going to take no for an answer, not without a fight
Start a riot up in here? Hymmmm…I just might,
If somebody don’t get over here and do their damn job and turn back on my lights
It’s been fifteen days and we ain’t waiting nomore, we’re not going back through them doors until we know for sure you’ve handled our application, so we dont have to see the dark anymore ya feel me? now get on the line with the electric company and have them restore our electricity

When we got to the house our power was back on with the grace of God who always carried us all along, he is the main reason we stood fifteen days strong
This is the first chapter of our lives in my book, I just wanted everyone to take the first look
This is our beginning to our end, It was how our life was back then
Now let me take you to the start when life as I knew seemed to fall apart

This Woman Hurts

I Never really thought about it
Until i sat down and cried
Why do so many men come into my life?
They come into my life just to say goodbye

Leaving me by myself asking God why?
Why is it always me?
The one that hurts and cries
My whole life has changed from all of the lies

All i ever wanted was for a man to call my own
But somehow i wound up being all alone
Now my life is filled with shame
The pain in my heart remains the same
This woman hurts because of a playa’s game

I am a human being, just like the rest
Looking for love, not this mess

What got me in this trouble, was listening to my flesh
Instead of using my head
And realizing this is one of life’s test

If i wanted to be treated as a whore, i would’ve been went through satan’s doors
Having you fella’s screaming for more

But no, i chose that detour
Which means i expect more
More from a man to know and find out

Understand who i am

NOT JUST WHAM BLAM!
THANK YOU MA’AM

Theres more to me that meets the eye
If you just give it a try
Instead of wandering about me beneath and how i am between the sheets

Maybe one day finally that real man will come along and see
Monique is truly that wife to be
My reality now
Im here on playa’s ground
Its either them or me we shall see

Did i learn from my mistakes?
Or accept defeat

HELL TO THE NO!
Because this woman hurts from all the dirt
Being misses nicey nice
That dont work

The rain of pain, that was always near
Real woman here!!
So you better beware!!

How deep is the pain?
Deep as shit
And i cant take another hit

You Men better quit before i catch a damn fit!

“SNIP SNIP!”

This woman hurts and i dont care one bit

May have been one of the sweetest Woman in the world!

Just became a playa’s meanest Bad Girl!

Forgotten

Why are we forgotten like we are someones blast from the past?
I just had to ask

Because im really tired of being labled as the outcast

Im really not that bad
I just tell it like it is
And for that you cant get mad

I have my flaws just like anyone else
The difference with me is
I dont make anybody feel bad about
themselves and i never will because its just not in me

I was never a jealous person
And i dont specialize in envy

Unfortunately alot of judgemental souls staring at me from head to toe
Meanwhile yall just dont know what we are going through, if you only knew

But then again you never will because weve been forgotten by all of you